Emma Kenny, a psychologist, talks about the most common things women do that may have contributed to breaking a relationship. No, it has nothing to do with how they dress and present themselves! Men will equally benefit from her advice as well!
With so many relationships ending even after decades of love, what could’ve been done to prevent them?
Talk about the important things early!
Emma explains, “Everyone needs to understand the kind of relationship that they are looking for and their non-negotiables. Research shows it’s nine months before a relationship gets to the negotiation stage but laying out where you stand on the big stuff such as marriage, kids or where you want to live could prevent heartache further down the line.”
Laying the boundaries early on will save you from a lot of “I never knew you were like this” arguments!
Bedroom intimacy isn’t the most important!
Yes, it is important, but basing your whole impression of them with only that may just be a recipe for disaster. As Emma said, your lust would last for five months and no more.
She continued, “After five months, the lust stage comes to an end, and if you don’t have a lot in common with your partner, or suddenly realize that without the sex, you find them boring or annoying, it’s unlikely you’ll stay with them.”
Your benchmark is your unfulfilling parents’ love.
It might just be why your standard for what’s good in a partner gets skewed. Everyone has standards, but yours could be heavily influenced by how you grew up. Emma explains, “If you are measuring them against a parent who failed you and using your negative experiences to dismiss the many positive traits they do have, the relationship is destined to fail.
“While this may seem a sensible way to protect yourself, it isn’t your partner’s responsibility to fix things or fill a void. You will only sabotage your relationship.”
How are you taking their compliments?
It is hard for some people to accept compliments because of how distrustful people are. Even when you’ve decided to live with them, you might still be in doubt if they love you. Emma suggests not to compare your own view of yourself with theirs because that’s how you end up feeling overwhelmed.
Learn to work on your emotional issues before you “lose respect for them and their positive opinions about you.”
“My ex- used to…”
It’s highly probable that everyone you see has history, and that’s what they should remain as. A history. Comparing your current partner with an ex is a red flag because you “project your previous partners’ flaws on them.”
“This is disrespectful because your new partner had nothing to do with the past. No one wants to spend time with a new partner dissecting their previous love affairs. It is a turn-off.”
Does your ovulation define your taste?
“The reason women go for the archetypal bad boy is down to our genes. Research shows that we find these kinds of ‘hypermasculine’ men most attractive in the middle of our menstrual cycle,” Emma explains.
“We are instinctively programmed to select a mate like this because we believe they will produce offspring. But if you want someone faithful who sticks around once the baby arrives, they are unlikely to be the best choice.”
Wait until you are in cycle, then ask yourself if this is someone you want and can spend your whole life with.
Don’t just settle for anyone!
This might sound like a dumb suggestion, but a lot of people let loneliness get to them and say “yes” to people that they doubt can make them happy. That fear of being alone makes people “fit with a partner who you are ill-suited to.”
You want them to change.
This happens when you see the best version of them during the high of the early stages of the relationship. Yet, as time goes on, you start seeing things that you wish were different. “It means you nudge them, or even tell them, to change their appearance or behavior,” explained Emma.
“They’re in a lose-lose situation because you see their agreement as a sign of weakness. Accepting a partner for who they are is the only solution to guarantee you that long-term relationship success.”
What are those dating accounts for?
Thinking about a ‘backup plan’ isn’t how relationships should be treated. If you want to commit to a relationship, close the door to other possibilities. The psychologist explained, “If you spend time with your new partner but can’t help but compare their looks, height, career, and prospects to the others you see online, then you’re creating the myth of a man you desire.”
“The emotional connection you create with your matches means you disconnect with the relationship you should be trying to build.”
Being a bugbear.
It’s highly likely there’s something you don’t like about your partner. Whatever it is, did you learn to “let small irritations slide?” There might be values you can’t agree with, but if they are insignificant minor faults, perhaps, you can instead “focus on the positives.”
“Finding reasons why a partner isn’t perfect – especially when one person can’t be expected to meet your every need – is a recipe for relationship disaster,” warned Emma.